It’s unnecessary to say that we men find knowledge repulsive. Subjects like literature, art (the un-naked kind) and quantum mechanics consume time that should be spent on gangbang marathons or methane appreciation. Still, every so often a black sheep infiltrates our herd to sabotage the beer fueled football chants. Maybe he’ll use words not found in TV Guide, or be carrying a book without pictures. He -- if you can call him a man -- comes in many guises; and it’s imperative to ostracize him for the sake of your masculine integrity. Observe:
Bitchface: “Do you attribute Ashkenazi g to favorable genetics or economic circumstances?
Steelpubes: “Go jizz in a Bunsen burner, Tesla. Hey Barkeep, get this clit zit a Cosmopolitan!”
-- Fuck Yeah
THAT’S how you deal with these dickless dissidents, my comrades. But beware: Matters aren't always so straightforward. What if, by some twist of fate, he’s your friend? And you, being a man, were too busy pondering anal in a bouncy tent to notice his prior faggotry. “Impossible,” you say. “I’d never barhop with such human garbage!” Ah, my dear reader; this situation is more typical than you think. I’ve even provided video proof. Here’s the scene: It’s Tuesday night, the gang is slap-happy on Sam Adams, and this walrus diaphragm starts espousing the sexiness of education! Chaos ensues.
WARNING: The following video is intensely disturbing. It’s advisable to wear sunglasses over your oxygen mask
Unfortunately they cut out the last part, where Porky’s ex-cronies pour lighter fluid down his dick and force him to eat a hooker’s ass. Isn’t it maddening? The matter of feminine appeal is raised and correctly answered (tits and ass) within stanza one, but Lambchops can’t cage the yen to broadcast a comedy of errors from his flapping gravy chute. Instead of answering as a man would, he begins a tirade that’s not only unethical and insulting, but boring as fuck. The soliloquy introduces itself with a fatal dose of alliteration, followed by slews of insults and declarations of self-superiority. I didn’t notice ONE stripper. To top it off, when he discovers the assmeat he’s been appraising isn’t single, he doesn’t even try to fuck her in front of her boyfriend. What a waste.
I’m surprised his speech wasn’t curtailed by a barstool to the teeth. With lines like “I’m not trying to call you a chauvinist” (I bet you didn’t try to start going bald, but you did anyway) I don’t know how those innocent bystanders endured. Intelligent women? Who wants to date those? When was the last time you screwed a cerebral cortex, or ate out an amygdala?
Man, this was so putrid I had to play Mortal Kombat for six hours just to get my boner back. Hopefully, some day, this lard lizard will realize that poetry sucks and tits rule. Until then…
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